Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
