Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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