dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
