so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
