dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
