I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
