butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
