You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize