Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
