the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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