4 words: hood of his car
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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