I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
