all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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