I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
