Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
