and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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