Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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