Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
