Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
