I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
