Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
