I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
