i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
