Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
