you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
