I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
