is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
