I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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