You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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