I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
