So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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