marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
