You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
