I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
