Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
