On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
