The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Found your dick twin last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
