Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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