you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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