And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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