i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
