she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
