wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
