ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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