While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
