And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
