We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i believe in u and ur pee
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
