Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
