there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
