I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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