guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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