Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
