ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
