We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
