I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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