I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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