U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
