You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
