Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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