Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
love makes seman taste better
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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