I've blown a few things in my day
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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