Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can you bring me the toilet please
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
