You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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