i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
