Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
