the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
