I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
