I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
