I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he thought i was a dude.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
