I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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