Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
