New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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