So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my being single is dangerous.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
