Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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