I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't deserve a penis
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
