my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
