So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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