If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
