We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
